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The Curse of Castor

There was an uproar earlier today that has taken all of the Wizarding Community by surprise. The Ministry was called in to do a sweep of the Gryffindor Common room, and what they found there is absolutely appalling. Apparently there was a Gryffindor that had been infected with Vampirism.

Unfortunately for the house, their vampire is a special species of vampire, a “Sparklefairious.” This particular strain of the vampire disease causes the infected to not only want to drink the blood of the living, but also to sparkle and dazzle any who see them. Our sources cite another even more dreadful effect of this curse, though. It seems that these vampires will cause whatever they believe tastes the best to fall in love with them, and then proceed to have a folie a deux with that person/animal/rock.

Unfortunately for the Gryffindor house, Castor, or Mike--the Vampire in question--has put Celestina_Hermione, or Beck, on the menu. The Sparkling Demon put his spell on her quickly, though the Ministry is not sure at this moment in time whether or not he acted alone. According to Ministry Official Lmnop567, recent graduate from EH Elementary, “We're fairly sure he has an accomplice. It's either that, or he's two people.”

Further investigation tells us that this isn't a recent problem, either. Mike has been a member of the Gryffindor House for quite a long time, and we find it odd that he was not apprehended at an earlier date. Experts say this may have something to do with the hold he has over his victims, and possibly the Vampire Worshiping fad that has been running through the House as of late.

The Ministry took him into custody this morning, and escorted Beck to St. Mungo's for deprogramming. The Prophet will be keeping tabs on her progress all month, so we will be have updates on this issue as we learn more.

There Are More Than Skeletons Hiding In This Closet...

Here at the Daily Prophet, we make it our sole duty to bring to you, our loyal readers, the truth about what is going on around this wonderful community we call HEX. Unlike a rather unfortunate group of "reporters" that can be found wandering around aimlessly at the offices of the Quibbler, the reporters of the Daily Prophet are one hundred and ten percent against keeping secrets from the people of HEX. Walk around our offices and you will find a group of dedicated journalists always willing to give the story to you as straight as our very own high-and-mighty Twilight fanatic Xeneixian. Truth is our motto.

While sitting at my desk a few days ago, trying to decide whether I should write an in-depth exposé about the plotting evil savant that is Slytherin's Larie Mayshar (which certainly would not be that difficult at all) or a standard article about the dangers of conversing with anyone who finds Edward Cullen even remotely attractive, I received an owl from an anonymous source tipping me off to a rather upsetting secret that was being kept from the majority of the HEX population. It seems that even the brilliant investigative reporters of the Daily Prophet, up until this point in time, were ignorant of the horrors that were occurring directly beneath our pointed noses.

According to the source, a rather sinister event was being executed deep within the dark recesses of Xeneixian's closet where he keeps much of his lavish collection of rare HEX items. While the note that I received did not give me anymore information, I was instantly intrigued at the idea of finally being able to pin down the Teflon G-mod that is Xeneixian. Without bothering to question the validity or the dangers of the tip-off I had been given and the job that I was about to embark on, I launched a full investigation on Xeneixian, diving face first into the precarious mission.

I waited until Xeneixian was out at the theater watching one of his many manly musical productions and crept into the disaster that was waiting for me. Frankly, his dorm was more disturbing than any Voldemort-centric nightmare one could ever imagine. But the true horror came when, of course, I delved into his closet and found far more than I expected. Armed with only my wand and the best Lumos spell that I could muster, I ventured in where I found a number of our resident HEXians bound and gagged! The one thing that these poor HEXians had in common? They were a collection of male Slytherin and Ravenclaw heart throbs, the ones that have managed to steal the hearts of lovesick HEXians in all four houses.

On the Slytherin side I discovered the emaciated forms of Slytherin Head of House Aiden Jakorr (Xeneixian's long-time friend and apparent secret lover) and Absinthe Wolfe, Slytherin's Head Boy and resident flirt. On the Ravenclaw side was Absinthe Wolfe's not-so-secret lover Somnus, a boy recently exposed to Xeneixian since the combination of the Ravenclaw and Slytherin common rooms due to the current HEX Interhouse Competition. Obviously, Xeneixian was jealous of the boys' relationship and decided to take his envy out on the innocent attractive males of HEX.

A number of unidentified HEXian males were also found, but because of the humiliation faced by their situation they opted for anonymity, declining to provide the Daily Prophet with both their names and houses. Xeneixian was tracked down and questioned about his love for pretty boys, but instead of giving a direct answer he busted out into a song from Moulin Rouge and pranced around gleefully. Unable to physically take the bouncing boy into custody, authorities instead tempted Xeneixian with free tickets to Mamma Mia! and hauled him away.

According to Xeneixian, crafty Slytherin Rigel Decorus was also in on his pretty boy plot, giving suggestions as to who should be kidnapped next and tempting boys into Xeneixian's closet with pretty HEX items, but these accusations have yet to be confirmed by the Daily Prophet.

The Secret Love Between a Gryffindor and a Slytherin

The Houses of Gryffindor and Slytherin have been known to not get along. Even over a thousand years ago the two founders of their respective houses, Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin, were known to not play well with each other. But two well known HEXians are rumored to have overcome those odds and find a secret love within each other. Who are these two brave people? Our own Jessa and Kristen, better known as Jessamyn and Charmante. Are the rumors true? Well, your favorite Daily Prophet reporter went on a mission to find out. In these exclusive interviews with the two, we will find out exactly what is true and what has been buzzed around the school just to cause a stir.

My first interview was with Jessa, who is in Gryffindor. I sat her down with my Quick Quotes Quill and asked my first question: How did the two of them meet?

Jessa responded, “Some thread about smoking, I think.” My eyebrows raised, of course. She wasn’t sure? Maybe that rumor about Kristen mind controlling her for the purpose of dominating the Gryffindor common room was true. So then I asked her the next question, why did she love her? Jessa, in her very eloquent way responded, “CAUSE SHE'Z HAWT..”

The poor naive Gryffindor seemed brainwashed. So I got Kristen on the phone and asked her a couple questions. Due to Jessa seemingly being mind controlled, I had to ask, is their love affair some kind of ministry conspiracy to get Gryffindor and Slytherin to get along? Her response was this: “Of course not! And it's definitely not a plot of mine to take over the Gryffindor Common Room. Now that would just be ridiculous.”

My suspicions were definitely raised. I asked another question that I was sure I wouldn’t get a straight answer about either. Were they trying to breed some kind of secret lesbian affair love child of doom? Her answer came quickly, while Jessa was looking through her wallet at pictures of her Slytherin lover. “What do you mean trying? It's already been done. I mean... no.”

It was clear that I wasn’t going to get any straight answers out of either of them. I left the interview, confused about the intentions but sure as the rising sun that the two were lovers. Whether it was genuine or a mind control trick, I wasn’t sure.

Kelly vs. Adam

The Daily Prophet editorial staff would like to warn readers that it neither supports nor allows such...fearfully misinformed opinions as the reporter displays here. We, as always, stress the importance of BLOOD PURITY and ask that readers use this as an example to weed-out what we at the Daily Prophet refer to as "blood traitors." However, because we have been cited as a biased paper, we are allowing Ms. LeAnne to have her moment of blaspheme.

The IHC is now in full swing and the houses have been enjoying the company of their companions for a while. The common rooms are buzzing and people are making new friendships that are likely to last a lifetime. All is well. Or so you would think. But in the Slytherclaw house, there is a bit of a problem. Most house members are getting along perfectly fine as they should, but there are two hooligans who threaten to ruin the fun for everyone. Slytherin's Adam (Xenexian) has been creating mischief beyond belief, and the Daily Prophet is here with the story.

The term "Global Moderator" is usually used to refer to someone who is responsible, and can handle power well. Someone who follows the rules as well as enforces them, and gets along with pretty much everyone. But the truth is something horridly different. Most of the Global Moderators on this site are very respectable individuals, but one of them has been awarded the honorable position and tainted the name. ADAM has let the power go to his head, and now he has gone wild.

The more power he is given, the more he craves it. He has been spotted numerous times attempting to steal items out of innocent users' inventories, sending HEXers to Azkaban for the most pointless of "crimes," and worst of all, corrupting the Slytherclaw house from the inside. Adam sees himself as the ultimate player. He believes that only purebloods exactly like himself are worthy of playing in the name of Slytherclaw. He has even been seen turning purebloods away because they mingle with those of lower blood status.

This is a very serious problem when it comes to the success of the Slytherclaw house in the IHC. With power-obsessed maniacs like Adam trying to control anything, the team will fail. But, luckily, Ravenclaw has a Global Moderator of their own. Kelly, Adam's arch enemy, has always been there to do what is necessary in the name of her beloved housemates. Adam fears her above anyone else, because her strength and wisdom are too much for his sparkly mind to handle, and Kelly despises Adam because of his cockiness and prejudiced rulings.

These two have been butting heads for many moons now, but never before has a situation risen that is this dangerous. Kelly was able to quickly realize this and knew that she had to do something. Ravenclaw's good name was at stake. She knew that she may not have come out of the confrontation with all limbs intact, but this was a risk she was noble enough to take.

It was a hot and muggy afternoon on the grounds and halls of Hogwarts that day in July. Adam was busy yelling at a couple of students for making fun of his curly hair when Kelly chose to attack. The brave woman marched up to him and demanded to speak with him at once. The students scattered, and Adam and Kelly were left alone in the middle of an empty corridor to settle things once and for all.

It's hard to tell what went down after that, as there were no witnesses present, but from then on out, Adam stopped discriminating against the innocent Slytherclaws and allowed them to fairly compete for places on the IHC teams. Every time Adam sees Kelly, he begins trembling and muttering soft prayers of mercy under his breath, accompanied by a withering stare set in the heroin's direction. Kelly saved her mighty and intelligent house that day, for now Adam has went back to his old hermit ways, obsessing over items, Bella Swan, and his older, much hotter brother Joe. All is well.

The Body of Body

A tragic scene unfolded earlier last month on the outskirts of the HEX community, and we were all welcomed to experience the end of a magnificent life. The body of Mr. Body, victim of some sort of violent crime that ended in death, was found at around seven PM on June 27th at his residence in Knockturn Alley. Current speculation indicates that this crime may or may not have been murder.

Now, murder is a topic fairly foreign to HEX, where we are much more accustomed to unruly and ignorant users quietly disappearing in the middle of the night. Our all knowing powers-that-be utilizing this way of getting rid of users (which is far more pleasant and friendly than something so sinister as a real killing). Furthermore, Mr. Body, by all accounts, was not even close to unruly or ignorant. In fact, here at the Daily Prophet our research has found that Mr. Body had a “vicious celebrity column” in this very newspaper, where he was a “popular reporter.”

We are still going through our extensive, detailed archives to find the column he was writing, which we can only assume was titled “Vicious Celebrity,” but we know for a fact that because he was writing for the Daily Prophet. He was a respectable and honorable member of our community who would never write anything that should provoke any kind of negative response, just like everyone else who writes for our newspaper.

Several people in Knockturn Alley headed the efforts to try to find out the identity of the murderer by offering multiple rewards in several categories as incentives to get HEXians to identify the villain responsible for the tragic death of Mr. Body. Mr. Mustard, Prof. Plum, Mr. Green, Mrs. Peacock, Miss. Scarlett, and Hr. White complete a dizzying list of supposedly high-profile people who all share the same rather interesting trait of not having any kind of first name on any record. The rewards that were offered to the general public to track down these people and find out which one of them was responsible for the death of Mr. Body included galleons as well as some rather precious items: second-hand quills, some sort of rocks, and very fancy frying pans. A valiant effort by the people who police the dangerous area we call Knockturn Alley.

However, even the bribe fabulous prizes hasn’t yet resulted in the capture of anyone in relation to the murder, nor have we received any word as to whether or not these prizes have been distributed to anybody. There are a few theories circulating as to the reason we remain ignorant of the killer. One outrageous rumor claims that the people in charge of the investigation are somehow trying to do a thorough job going through all of their information, but we can dismiss that as hearsay and squabledoodle, probably made up by the Quibbler.

Our investigations have brought up several more interesting possibilities. One anonymous source claims that the very people who started this investigation are behind the murder itself. They weren’t satisfied with the lack of attention the Daily Prophet was giving Knockturn Alley and thus killed off one of the Daily Prophet writers to try to attract some. Another theory simply states that Knockturn Alley is filled with a group of slightly untalented people, who hide there so that they don’t expose their ineptitude to the majority of Hex until someone is killed, and they just don’t have any idea who the killer really is.

Nevertheless, the Daily Prophet is confident that the killer will be apprehended and that the prizes will be distributed, especially now that we have shined light onto the possibly illicit members of the Knockturn Alley elite. Once again, it is our brilliance which shall inevitably save the day, turning the brutal murder of one of our own staff members into a positive group experience in which some people have a chance of obtaining rocks.