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Hem-Hem

Firstly, I would like to announce to all who receive this really delightful bit of journalism each day that I, that is my staff and I, appreciate just how religiously you read our writing and follow our advice. It is a pleasure, I can say, to sit behind my editor’s desk each day and know that my efforts and tribulations are changing the world you live in.

That said, I feel obliged to inform the wizarding community that I am highly disappointed in your behaviors, and that actions such as you have performed as of late will not be tolerated by the Ministry—it is out of fear for your safety that I divulge the laws which you have lived by the entirety of your existence. The Ministry’s patience is not to be pulled upon, as a Hippogriff is equally not to be insulted, for when the Ministry feels the pull of those it tirelessly works to serve, I dare say it is not surprising that its talons find their true purpose.

While we are on the subject of talons, there is a thorn in my side that I would rather not remove, but it really is necessary, lest I allow it to fester any longer and spread infection…or disease. You see, the Ministry feels that blood traitors are simply not something that we should discuss in a positive light, and that includes such things as the birthdays of blood traitors. The Minister himself told me only yesterday and he was both disgusted and hurt by the outward celebration of the birthday of two such blood traitors.

They are not martyrs, you understand, merely witches and wizards much like you and I. They are, I regret, a bit confused, however, and until they can amend their unlawful ways, we as a people should respect that they are not agreeable, they do not which to help any cause that would be dear to you, and are, as I stated before, thorns. The briar which chokes the Ministry as we try to do our best to serve you must be pruned, and it is up to you to do it. The Minister has placed his faith in you, and so, too, shall I.

The Daily Prophet has its role to play, and I do hope you heed the message it tells: one of truth, respect, and following the path of justice. Always will the Ministry be, and its patience, also, in existence. Remember this, and the wizarding world will continue its greatness and rise above the clouds to a new plain of being.

Minerva's Wisdom

Dear Minerva,

I'm scared for my HEX character. I'm afraid that if i leave for a day she might die. Which means I practically live on HEX. I am going away in a couple of weeks and I won't have Internet access for a while. If I disable my account for a week what will happen to her? Will she be looked after or does she just sleep the whole time? Can she still get owls? Will she die of hunger? She will miss out on days of money as well. Is it ok to leave her? Should I disable her or not? I just want what is best for her. Please help.

Love From Ima Goodmother.

Dear Ima Goodmother,

Obviously you seem to be unaware of the features that Hex offers to users who need to go away. I suppose you were just misinformed. Students are given the option to take a “break” if they are in need of it. You can set it to a certain amount of time and be away and then send your pet to a friend to be taken care of, just make sure that your friends will feed the pet and that you supply the food. Your character (food, drink) will not need tended to while in this break option. However, any work for classes that are missed will not be able to be made up, so that is something to take into consideration as classes are very important.

-Professor McGonagall

Dear Professor,

My two very good friends live close together and every time they have a sleepover together i know about it. And I always feel awkward when they don't invited me. The other day I had a sleepover with one of them and the other one knew about it. She told my friend that she felt awkward not being invited.

Help! - Awkward

Dear Awkward,

You shouldn’t feel awkward about something like that. Why, when I was your age, there were plenty of times when I was not invited to sleepovers with my friends and just look how I turned out! And if they have anything to say to you about feeling awkward, then they really have no room to talk. Now, next time this happens, tell them how you feel about not being invited and that you feel left out, but there really is no reason to fret about it.

-Professor McGongall

Dear Professor!!!!11

"how do i get more galleons and sickles and knuts. i cant get anymore and i want to get a pet!!11"

Dear… unnamed student,

I’m sure you know already but we do provide a certain amount of money per day to students. There are many other ways of course to get galleons… legally. You could sell things, trade things, sell more things. A very good place to learn how to make quick money is in Diagon Alley. People in there will be very helpful, indeed, if you ask the right person. But make sure you’re very careful with getting a pet as they are a big responsibility, Pets can get angered easily and need to be fed daily. The cost of owning a pet can get very high. But, if you are wise in the ways that you deal with it and make sure to buy excess supplies, it should be fine.

-Professor McGongall

Dear Minerva,

I have a friend, she has problems. She often cries during school. I want to help because I'm like her best friend, but I don't know how I can help. The guidance councilor asked me if I went over to my friend's house lately, and I said that I had because I was over there baking with her. Do you have any ideas of what I can do to help??

Thanks – Trying To Help

Dear Trying to Help,

The best thing that you can do is be a friend to her. Many students have the problem that they care more about their friends than themselves and it greatly affects their studies, so try as you may to make her feel better, but do not neglect your own needs. The best thing to do it let her talk when she needs to, although not during study hours, and be there to comfort her. Help her through her hard times like you’d want someone to help you.

-Professor McGonagall

Dear Minerva,

I have a friend who is fighting with someone I don't like very much but someone in my group of four friends is on her side if I side with my friend i'm afraid that my 4 friends will cast me out!

-- Confused

Dear Confused,

You need to decide for yourself whether being popular with 4 people is better than keeping one true friend close to you. Although I’m sure that this issue has been resolved given the time it was sent, that’s really all that I can tell you. Try not to get too wrapped up in other peoples drama as it does a great deal in taking time away from studying.

-Professor McGonagall

Rita Skeeter – Roving Reporter

I Rita Skeeter, forty-three, find that it is often said that the truth can be hard to find among reporters. However, after reading the last issue of this fine paper, I feel confident that we as a paper are doing exactly that. The Daily Prophet tells the truth, unguarded and unbiased, unlike some other reporting sources. This reporter was scandalized to find that so many of my fellow Hexians accused our fine Editor-in-Chief of being biased and even “a hag.”

“The truth WILL come out, whether you like it or not,” says young Ministry official and insider, Silvanus Xeneixian, clearly out-raged by the ignorant comments of the masses, as he justly should be.

Another Ministry official, Ms. Cadence, commented simply that, “The ministry [and Daily Prophet] has a way of showing people the light of reason and truth.” And she is quite right in saying so. The Quibbler and other magazines are not what the public should be reading, in this reporter’s humble opinion. These, not the fine reporting found in the Daily Prophet, are no more than biased sources written by immature children barely out of diapers as well as noted failures.

I urge you not to read these other journals, if I can even call them that, in a bequest for your own sanity. Their attempts to lure you to their views, while seemingly innocent, are no more than ruses put on completely incompetently and with no taste or subtlety.

Dolores Jane Umbridge is the only beacon of truth left among the rubble of lies that litter our community. You must recognize this, as this reporter has already done, and embrace the Daily Prophet. However, others, such as Aurora Dior, the current Editor in Chief for The Quibbler, may never do so. There are those who are unable to accept that such a figure as Dolores Umbridge can only mean good, trying instead to associate her good name with dishonesty. Truthfully, this reporter was even skeptical at first of our dear Editor-in-Chief, but within moments of meeting her I realized that she meant only good- and came equipped with the means of making both great and vast improvements upon the Hexian community.

The time for the future is now and that time involves opening your eyes to the bias and filth cluttering the world around us all. Dolores Jane Umbridge is nothing more than a figure to look up to and esteem for her efforts and success in bringing beneficial changes and should be thought of as nothing less.